[Editor's Note: Please read this related post]
For a Christian, dating a non-Christian is unwise, and marrying one is NOT an option according to the Bible. Second Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever. The imagery is of two incompatible oxen sharing the same yoke. Instead of working together to pull the load, they would be working against each other. While this passage does not specifically mention marriage, it definitely has implications for marriage. The passage goes on to say that there is no harmony between Christ and Belial (Satan). There can be no spiritual harmony in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. You have different lifestyles (Christ vs. world), loyalties (Christ vs. devil) and loves (Christ vs. idols). Paul goes on to remind believers that they are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, who inhabits their hearts at salvation (2 Corinthians 6:15-17). Because of that, they are to be separate from the world—in the world, but not of the world—and nowhere is that more important than in life’s most intimate relationship—marriage. The Bible also says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’ (1 Corinthians 15:33). Having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not to be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers and we should. If you were dating an unbeliever, what would honestly be your priority - romance or winning a soul for Christ? From their perspective, what would honestly be their priority - romance, impressing you or something else?
If you were married to an unbeliever, how would the two of you cultivate a spiritual intimacy in your marriage? How could a quality marriage be built and maintained if you disagree on the most crucial issue in the universe—the Lord Jesus Christ? Clearly, the Bible tells us that God will bless those who are obedient to His Word and Will.
In addition to the biblical arguments above, consider the real possibility that the relationship could cause the Christian to backslide as you have already noted in your question. Non-Christians do not always live by Biblical standards, so the dating relationship can be big on temptations for the Christian. For example, a non-Christian may think that pre-marital sex, drinking, smoking, and lying are all acceptable behaviors in our present world. Your values as a follower of Christ should be very different, leading to a number of potential arguments. He or she may not understand that you need time to pray or read your Bible. They may also not be willing to go to church. The difference in these eternal values can be overwhelming and lead you down a path away from Christ.
So we first need to be clear about the purpose and motivation for dating according to God’s Word and plan for His children. Then we can more clearly understand God’s call for His people to share the God News of Christ with a world in need of a Savior. These matters are separate issues of obedience.
In summary then, it all comes down to who is your first love? Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
A great book that I’ve read and recommended to others is called “The DIRT on Dating” by Hayley DiMarco. You can get this book from your local bookstore or Chapters at a reasonable price. If you like, give me a shout and I’ll lend you my copy! GREAT QUESTION! I KNOW MANY STUDENTS NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS ISSUE!
[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]
