Q: Christians are called to "not be yoked with non-believers". However, what if a couple is already married before one of them becomes a Christian?

A:  Being married to an unbeliever can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian's life. Marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It can be very difficult for a believer and an unbeliever to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If one partner becomes a Christian after the marriage, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.

Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage, convinced that this is the only way to truly bring honor to God. God’s Word, however, says the contrary. It is very important not only to be content in our situation, but also to look for ways to bring glory to Him out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”

Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God's presence (1 John 1:7). They should seek God's transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1), and she will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable her to do so.

Christians are not meant to live solitary lives; they need to find support from outside sources such as the Church community and Fellowship groups. Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be the priority of every Christian to pray for his or her spouse and set a good example, allowing Christ's light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14). May the truth found in 1 Peter 3:1—that an unbelieving spouse is “won over”—be the hope and goal of every Christian who is married to an unbeliever.

The link below provides a commentary on the 2 Corinthians passage and the issue of “Unequal Yoking with Unbelievers”:
http://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/2Cor/Unequal-Yoking-Unbelievers


[answered by Pastoral Intern Ray Lee]

Q: Are Christians allowed to date in school?

 

A:  There have been numerous questions that have been asked in reference to dating, so I will be pointing you to some of them in this answer.

Firstly, let's establish something.  The Bible does not talk about dating specifically as during those times, people did not date.  They went from engaged to married.  Dating is a late 20th century model of courtship.

So having said that, I believe there are some things that you must ask yourself before you decide to date a person.  Mainly, you need to reflect on why you wish to date in the first place.  Read THIS blog and then come back to continue this answer. 

I suspect that you are also asking this question because there may be a person of interest at your school in which case a question has been answered about how to deal with crushes.  Go to THIS blog, read it and especially watch the youtube video at the end. 

Now, to answer the question at hand, are Christians allowed to date in school;  I would say that if you are seriously ready to consider marriage and the person who you are thinking about dating is on the same page, than you are ready to date.  The fact is that most people in elementary and high school are NOT ready for this type of lifetime commitment even if they think are.  Thus, as a Pastor, I highly recommend that those in elementary and high school hold off on dating until university.  Of course, this is just a guideline and ultimately, the choice is yours.  But if you're asking for my solid answer, that would be it.

Please visit these blogs HERE for more information on dating, parental approval and if it's okay for Christians to date non-Christians. 

[answered by Pastor KJT]

Q: We all know that having sex with out bf/gf is a sin, but if we simply fall asleep on the same bed with them, is it also considered a sin?

Great Question! Let me answer this with three points:

1. SEX Before Marriage Is Sin.

The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, and according to 1 Corinthians 7:2 sex before marriage is sexually immoral, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way. Sex before marriage is included in the biblical definition of sexual immorality. There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.

2. What Is An Appropriate Level Of Intimacy Before Marriage?

Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people.” Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple or those dating should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex that gives the appearance of immorality. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in that marriage becomes.

3. What About Falling Asleep On The Same Bed?"

Spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship.

Jesus was more concerned with the heart than with specific rules. That means that the real question is “What is your motivation?” Is your motivation to get away with as much as you can without actually sleeping together? Is your motivation to guard the purity of your brother and sister in Christ to the utmost so that you can stand blameless before God? Is your motivation to guard your relationships against the temptation to stumble in a moment of weakness? The way in which you answer these questions will have a direct impact on your actions.

The following questions will help you diagnose the wisdom of your Christian behavior. So consider these as you navigate the physical side of dating:

1. Should I do this? What does the Bible say? (For instance, are you engaging in anything sexually immoral, prohibited or tempting yourself towards possibly sinning?)

2. What does my conscience tell me? (You may not be doing something explicitly condemned as wrong, but is it wise? Is it beneficial? What if family or non-Christian friends see, or hear or walk in on us?)

3. What does my weakness require? (What is my greatest temptation? If I have struggled with sexual immorality in the past, how can I guard against it now?)

4. What does my brother or sister in Christ need? (Sister, are you tempting your brother to stumble by the way you are dressed when he comes over to your place at night? Brother, are you taking advantage of a woman’s need for affection in order to push the boundaries of a physical relationship?)

In your dating relationship, learning to say “NO!” may be the best positive answer that you can give to be faithful as a follower of Christ as you guard your hearts!

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q: "Dealing"?

Recently, I got introduced to a few high school terms, and one of them was “dealing” (in terms of relationships and hooking up like when two people act like their dating, but in reality are not). My Christian friend has been dealing here and there, but I feel as if it’s not right in the eyes of the Lord. Is there a biblical stance on this I can show them to help them resolve their problem?

Great Question! Based on what you’ve mentioned, it sounds like your friends are not being truthful to one another and to their friends. The Bible nowhere presents an instance where lying is considered to be the right thing to do. The ninth commandment prohibits bearing false witness (Exodus 20:16). Proverbs 6:16-19 lists “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies” as two of the seven abominations to the Lord. Love “rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). For other Scriptures that speak negatively of lying, see Psalm 119:29, 163; 120:2; Proverbs 12:22; 13:5; Ephesians 4:25; Colossians 3:9; and Revelation 21:8. There are many examples of liars in Scripture, from Jacob’s deceit in Genesis 27 to the pretense of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. Time after time, we see that falsehood leads to misery, loss, and judgment. This demonstrates how we are to conduct ourselves as children of God.

Christian ethics and how to make decisions in life is well summarized by Colossians 3:1-6, 9-10:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming… Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”



Remember that it is not appropriate to be involved in multiple Christian dating relationships because the whole process inevitably will involve more lies and deceit to cover up past deeds. There will be hurt, humiliation, embarrassment, and heartbreak when the eventual break-up takes place. We are commanded as followers of Christ to love one another as Christians [1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7; Luke 6:31], love our neighbor as ourselves [Mark 12:31] and not to bring pain to one another [Romans 13:10]. James 5:12 tells us that, “Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned.”

Dating is not a game and neither are people's hearts and feelings. Let’s learn to honor, respect and value one other [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]. Let's learn to be Godly, truthful and moral in the way we relate to the opposite sex. Let's always remember to stick to our Christian fundamental beliefs and values especially when it comes to dating and how we live our lives!

If your friends would like to learn more about dating and courtship, the following link may be of interest to them: What does the Bible say about dating / courting? http://www.gotquestions.org/dating-courting.html

HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL! THANKS FOR ASKING!


[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q: Dating non-Christians?

Is it really against God to date non-Christians? I know that by dating a non-Christian, you are risking the chance to be influenced by them and pulled into the worldly ways, but aren't you also risking the chance to influence them in a better, more Godly-centered way? I know that many times even if you are able to get them to go to church regularly, some may argue that they are just going to church for the wrong reasons, but what if in the case that they do end up going to church for the right reasons? Wouldn't it be a good thing in that case since that non-Christian is learning more about God through you?

[Editor's Note: Please read this related post]

For a Christian, dating a non-Christian is unwise, and marrying one is NOT an option according to the Bible. Second Corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever. The imagery is of two incompatible oxen sharing the same yoke. Instead of working together to pull the load, they would be working against each other. While this passage does not specifically mention marriage, it definitely has implications for marriage. The passage goes on to say that there is no harmony between Christ and Belial (Satan). There can be no spiritual harmony in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. You have different lifestyles (Christ vs. world), loyalties (Christ vs. devil) and loves (Christ vs. idols). Paul goes on to remind believers that they are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit, who inhabits their hearts at salvation (2 Corinthians 6:15-17). Because of that, they are to be separate from the world—in the world, but not of the world—and nowhere is that more important than in life’s most intimate relationship—marriage. 

The Bible also says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’ (1 Corinthians 15:33). Having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not to be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers and we should. If you were dating an unbeliever, what would honestly be your priority - romance or winning a soul for Christ? From their perspective, what would honestly be their priority - romance, impressing you or something else?

If you were married to an unbeliever, how would the two of you cultivate a spiritual intimacy in your marriage? How could a quality marriage be built and maintained if you disagree on the most crucial issue in the universe—the Lord Jesus Christ? Clearly, the Bible tells us that God will bless those who are obedient to His Word and Will.


In addition to the biblical arguments above, consider the real possibility that the relationship could cause the Christian to backslide as you have already noted in your question. Non-Christians do not always live by Biblical standards, so the dating relationship can be big on temptations for the Christian. For example, a non-Christian may think that pre-marital sex, drinking, smoking, and lying are all acceptable behaviors in our present world. Your values as a follower of Christ should be very different, leading to a number of potential arguments. He or she may not understand that you need time to pray or read your Bible. They may also not be willing to go to church. The difference in these eternal values can be overwhelming and lead you down a path away from Christ.

So we first need to be clear about the purpose and motivation for dating according to God’s Word and plan for His children. Then we can more clearly understand God’s call for His people to share the God News of Christ with a world in need of a Savior. These matters are separate issues of obedience.

In summary then, it all comes down to who is your first love? Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

A great book that I’ve read and recommended to others is called “The DIRT on Dating” by Hayley DiMarco. You can get this book from your local bookstore or Chapters at a reasonable price. If you like, give me a shout and I’ll lend you my copy! GREAT QUESTION! I KNOW MANY STUDENTS NEED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS ISSUE!

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q) How should we - as Christians - deal with breakups?

How does God want us to cope with the pain of missing him/her?

Whether you’re the heartbroken or the heartbreaker, breaking up a relationship is never easy. Breakups are a part of life but that doesn’t mean they won’t hurt! Whenever someone experiences a breakup in a relationship, it can be a significant feeling of loss depending on how long and how close you have become during your time together. When we lose someone we have invested in emotionally and spent quality time with, we go through the natural stages of grieving that loss. It’s normal to experience a sense of loneliness, emptiness and pain as a part of that grieving process. Remember that when you date, you always run the risk of rejection.

Even though the loss of a relationship is felt now in the present, over time the rest of your life will take up more and more space where that sadness now resides. The pain will gradually reduce as you reinvest your time and energy in other friends, people that matter to you, activities, education, etc. that seek to build you up for the future. This amount of time will create a new pattern and replace the old one. As you learn to move forward – one step and one thought at a time, the past will lose its pull on you. Philippians 3:13b says “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” As believers, we know our ultimate hope and encouragement is in Christ [2 Thessalonians 2:16].

As you learn to move on in your life, you will come to understand more fully that life in Christ provides you with real purpose and meaning. If your feelings of emptiness, pain or rejection have to do with things other than your ex, consider talking to a trusted pastor, counselor, doctor or your parents about the way you are feeling to find out what this means and where those feelings may be coming from. Some feelings of sadness for a period of time is normal, but staying stuck in it is not.

God wants to comfort and encourage you. This is the purpose of His Spirit being within us as believers. Pour your hurt, frustration, pain and anger out to God. He is big enough to take it and turn it into good. Place your focus on God’s ability and desire to provide you with a future filled with hope and joy [Jeremiah 29:11].

The following Bible passages will be helpful for you to read, consider and meditate on through this process:

1. Learning To Get Over The Relationship: James 1:2-4; Ephesians 4:22-24; James 1:25; John 3:17; Proverbs 3:11; John 16:33; Romans 8:28; 1 Peter 1:6-7.

2. Learning To Love Again: Mark 12:30; Romans 5:10; Matthew 5:44-46; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; John 14:15; Philippians 3:13-14

A book that I’ve recommend to others on this topic and one that I’ve found very helpful is called, “The DIRT on Breaking Up” by Hayley DiMarco and Justin Lookadoo. You can get it at your local bookstore or Chapters at a reasonable price. As well, feel free to come and see me if you like and I’ll lend you my copy!

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q: For what reasons should we date?

God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. This includes all relationships and especially with boyfriends or girlfriends. We should date for fun, friendship, personality development and selection of a mate, not to be popular or for security. Don't allow peer pressure to force you into dating situations that are not appropriate. Realize that over 50% of girls and over 40% of guys never date in high school. The Bible gives us some very clear principles to guide us in making decisions about dating.

1. Guard Your Heart.
 The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).

2. You Are Known By The Company You Keep.
 We also tend to become like the company we keep. This principle is closely related to the first one and is just as important in friendships as in dating.

Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33).

3. Christians Should Only Date Other Christians.
 Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their lives.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).

4. Is It Really Love?
 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines real love. Ask yourself these questions:

◦ Are you patient with each other?
◦ Are you kind to each other?
◦ Are you never envious of each other?
◦ Do you never boast to or about each other?
◦ Is your relationship characterized by humility?
◦ Are you never rude to each other?
◦ Are you not self-seeking?
◦ Are you not easily angered with each other?
◦ Do you keep no record of wrongs?
◦ Are you truthful with each other?
◦ Do you protect each other?
◦ Do you trust each other?

If you answered “yes” to the above questions, then 1 Corinthians 13 says that you truly have a loving relationship. If you answered “no” to any of the above questions, then maybe you should discuss those issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend, a trusted friend or Counselor.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

THANKS FOR ASKING!

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Is it wrong for a Christian to marry someone of a different religion?

We can answer this question if we understand the goal of marriage. What is the goal of marriage? It’s to be one with your spouse - to know him or her intimately. This is a reflection of God's relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:31-32).

How can we be intimate with other person? It’s when you share and love the most important thing in your heart. For the Christian, the most important thing in your heart is God. For the non-Christian, it isn’t.

So what inevitably happens is that you have a hard choice to make if you marry a non-Christian. On the one hand, if you want intimacy with your non-Christian spouse, you have to push God out of the center of your heart to make room for her. On the other hand, if you want to keep God in the center, you’ll be forced to put her on the outskirts of your heart and lose intimacy. Either way, it’s a brutal choice at the end of the day, so that’s why I implore you to date and marry a Christian. Make sure you make this conviction BEFORE you think it's time to start dating because it's so easy to compromise if you don't. I've witnessed many Christians who compromise on this one issue, and they aren't walking with Jesus anymore. Practically, you're going to have to say something like the following to your non-Christian friends who want to date you: “Look, every major decision I make involves God and you won't understand that. So every time we make decisions, I have to hide the most important thing in my heart, and that won’t work.”

Other resources:

1. Read this article by Got Questions

2. Listen to the V-DAY Live Ask Us Session Podcast (this very question was asked)

[Answered by Pastor HM]

V-Day Podcast is LIVE.

Our live Ask Us Session on dating, sex and relationships ("V-Day") took place Friday Night, February 19, 2010. Over 50 questions were asked (40 of them were live text-in questions!). We tried to answer as many as possible, but in the end, we had about 10 unanswered (We'll answer them soon via another live session or via this blog).

You can listen to the podcast by clicking on the following links:

(1) PART ONE (1 hour, 18 min.) and (2) PART TWO (33 min.).

Among the questions asked were the following...

You say that there is marriage when you find the other half God has given to you. If that’s the case then why is there divorce?

Some couples say I love you right away but some aren’t ready to say it after a year. How do you know when the right time to say it?

How far is too far when it comes to physical intimacy? I mean, as long as you don’t have premarital sex it’s okay, right?

If your potential soulmate, like you really believe you’re going to spend your life with this person, asks you to choose between God and him or her, how should you respond?

I’m in a relationship but we don’t talk, what do I do *sad face*

What if your parents beat you if they find out that you’re dating someone? What if they go and yell at who we’re dating? (personal experience)

How do you get over a hard and painful breakup?

If you’re dating is it ok to prioritize and neglect your gf/bf over your other friends in life?

What would you say is the hardest thing about marriage?

I have a Christian friend who’s dating a guy 4 years older than her and they’ve already gone FAAR. I’m scared for her so how should I respond?

Is infatuation a sin?

What if you like a Christian best friend?

How do I get a non-christian friend out of an unhealthy relationship?

What if you have more than one girlfriend of boyfriend?

My friend’s really mean to me…it makes me really sad L what should I do?

What do we do if we’re no longer a virgin?

My ex keeps following me and bugging me, what do I do?

Is it wrong to date my friend’s ex?

If a non-christian friend has told you that they have had sex, how should you respond?

Is dating for fun ok? Must all relationships be serious or the first step towards marriage?

How do you deal with someone who likes you but is the same sex as you?

Is it alright for a guy to date a girl who is 2 years older than him?

What should I do if I like one of my friend’s sibling?

I got my girlfriend pregnant…As a Christian what should I do?

I met this guy who I thought was pretty cool, but he won’t leave me alone. He sends me creepy messages on Facebook. How do I deal with him in a nice Christianly manner. This person is a true stalker, like seriously.

Thanks to everyone who came, and especially the brave counselors on the panel! As this was a resounding success, we'll try to do another in the near future!

Q: Will God forgive us, even if we have had an infatuated relationship?

in·fat·u·a·tion (ĭ-fāch'ōō-ā'shən):
1. A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
2. An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

A: God will forgive anyone for any sin as long as they repent of it and make an active decision to change their lives.

So, having said that...to answer your question, yes, God can and will forgive.

HOWEVER...(and you know that this was coming), it is important to be in relationships for the right reasons. I can't stress this enough, young people! Staying in a relationship because you are smitten by the other person (which is basically infatuation), is not a good enough reason. There must be more to the looks or even the personality that you are intrigued with.

I urge you to be in a relationship for the right reasons. If your friends are all dating, and you know you're not ready, there is NOTHING wrong with being single for the moment and waiting until you know you've matured in Christ.

Being in a relationship pre-maturely may seem safe and fun, but if you're not mature enough to realize what you want and what God wants, the consequences are quite intense.

For more information on Godly dating, please go HERE. This is a sermon that Pastor Ho-Ming and I preached on this past Valentines Day about what type of mate to look for and how to honour God in our relationships.

Q: What should we do now if we have crushes?

"Pastor Mark Driscoll (in the video embedded below) says we shouldn't date until we can marry, then what should we do now if we have crushes?"

Great question on dating. I really like Pastor Mark's teaching, and I really appreciate his answer here. Since the Bible doesn't explicitly talk about dating, this answer is extrapolated from biblical teaching on marriage. Now, it seems you understand why he's saying what he's saying, but you're also wondering what to do if you have a crush.

As I have said before in my own sermons/workshops on dating, if you define a crush as an emotional attraction, that's okay. It's natural to be attracted to someone. However, if you define a crush as an overwhelming infatuation that leads you to emotionally and physically connect with that person (instead of saving these connections with your husband/wife), then I'd say refrain from that.

Scripture teaches us that the marriage relationship is meant to reflect the love between God and his people (Ephesians 5:25-33). God's love is pure, sacrificial and self-giving (see 1 John 4). And so our love must also be that way. We must, therefore, avoid infatuations and make sure we are truly loving someone.

How do you know its love or infatuation? Read Pastor Chip Ingram's 12 Tests of Love (I have found these very helpful): HERE.

Practically, here are some helpful reminders to avoid infatuations:

- Don't date while you're too young. Even if you have a crush on someone, refrain from dating this person. It's difficult, but chances are - the emotional attraction will fade with time if you wait and give it time.

When should we start dating? I think its okay to pursue a relationship with someone if you have marriage in mind; if you understand that that person you date doesn't "complete" you; and if you can be married within a reasonable amount of time (perhaps a few years). This may also mean to hold off on dating until you are more stable in life (e.g. you live in the same city and you have a steady job and goals). Additionally, this may mean that you have to know who you are and what you want in a spouse (i.e. physical and emotional attraction is not enough; there must be spiritual, mental & financial compatibility)

- Don't feed the flame, meaning if you really like someone, commit to being their friend, but not their girlfriend or boyfriend. You can always get to know someone better without committing to them too early. Don't spend time alone with this person because it's very hard to keep from "not crushing" on someone this way!

- Don't give into peer pressure. You may find many of your friends will start dating. This isn't something that you have to do. Wait, be patient and trust that God will provide a spouse for you in His perfect and beautiful timing. Use the time and freedom of this "single" season of your life to pursue and serve God faithfully. Also, spend the time getting to know who you are, so that you know what you are looking for in a spouse.

[Answered by Pastor HM, who is in love... with his wife]

Q: Sex AFTER Marriage?

Q: You know how the Bible says not to have sex after marriage, then what can you do then?

I'm not sure whether this is a typo and you mean sex BEFORE marriage, but let me answer nonetheless.

1. If you mean sex BEFORE marriage, and you're wondering what can you do with your boyfriend or girlfriend physically, then I would say (and this may be hard for some of you to hear), to follow what 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says:

"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 

Scripture teaches us that if you're not married, everyone else is family to you! So next time, when you're about to do something with your girlfriend or boyfriend, ask the very uncomfortable question, would I do this with my sister or brother? It follows then that most things are off-limits, because they are reserved for marriage alone.

Additionally, ask the question, "Would Jesus be glorified or shamed if we did ______?" Young people, make sure you guard your heart (Proverbs 4:20) and guard your body for you cannot undue what has been done to them!

2. If you mean sex AFTER marriage, then you are mistaken. The Bible teaches that we are to enjoy sex (abundantly, freely) after we have committed exclusively and permanently to our husband or wife (aka marriage)! In fact, the entire book of Song of Solomon talks about sex very erotically and openly! Listen to an example of what is preaching from this text, by Pastor Mark Driscoll...

[Answered by Pastor HM, who is happily married]

Q: Why isn't safe sex considered safe in the Christian faith?

I suppose you're asking why we should not be engaging in sex prior to marriage, even if it's "safe" (i.e. prevents sexually-transmitted diseases & pregnancy). Let me answer this by saying this:

I believe "safe sex" is simply a way for unmarried individuals to enjoy the benefits and pleasures of sex without the consequences. The problem with this view is that sex is not simply a physical act. It has deep spiritual and emotionally consequences. It is, as some have said, the "mingling of two souls" and therefore requires the greatest commitment (namely, marriage) in which to be truly enjoyed. The truth is sex is costly, requires great sacrifice and is for the creation of life. It is not to be practiced casually, even though it may be considered "safe." 

For more information, read this sermon by Matt Chandler HERE.

Additionally, listen to our sermon, "The Dating Game" via our podcast at splat.rhccc.ca

Lastly, I just want to say this: If you're struggling in this area of your life, please know that Jesus died for you. You can be restored and healed through Him. You are the rose he wants.

[Answered by Pastor HM]

Q: Would it be "Christian" to date someone outside our religion?

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. 

For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? 

Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 

What accord has Christ with Belial? 

Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 

-Paul, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

The Bible does not mention dating as we know it today, so the principles that can apply to dating must come from principles of marriage and general relationships with each other. To answer your question, we must first examine several important questions:

1. What is the goal of dating? ANSWER: Marriage.

2. What is the goal of marriage? ANSWER: Intimacy/closeness/oneness with your spouse. This intimacy between husband and wife is meant to reflect God's desired intimacy with this people (Eph. 5)

3. How can we be intimate with other person? ANSWER: When you share and love the most important thing in your heart with your husband or wife.

Here's how these questions apply: For the Christian, the most important thing in your heart is God. For the non-Christian, it isn’t. So what inevitably happens – if you want intimacy with your spouse – you’ll have only one choice: You have to push God out of the center of your heart to make room for her. If you want to keep God in the center, however, then you’ll be forced to put her on the outskirts of your heart and lose intimacy. It’s a brutal choice at the end of the day, so that’s why I implore you to trust God; that he’ll put before you a godly husband or wife.

You may ask, “How am I supposed to tell someone that is non-Christian that I can’t or don’t want to date them?" And my response would be that you have to be graceful and tactful (don't say “You’re not a believer!” and leave it at that). You have to say, “Look, every major decision I make involves God somehow, and you wouldn’t even understand that. So every time we make decisions, I have to hide the most important thing in my heart, and that won’t work.”

If you are dating a non-Christian, I know this is a really hard thing to hear. It's brutal. It's saddening. But the longer you wait and the more serious the relationship gets, the more IMPOSSIBLE the choice becomes.

For more thoughts on the matter, please visit our podcast and look for our sermon, "The Dating Game" where I address this question and more.

[Answered by HM]

Q: How far can you go with your gf/bf without displeasing your parents or God?

The bottom line, biblically, is that your body is to be touched sexually by only your husband or wife. The way God sees it is that every person who is not your husband or wife is a brother or sister to you (1 Timothy 5:1-2, “Treat…older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with absolutely purity.” So I guess that’s the easiest way to put it. So every time you’re with your gf/bf, ask yourself: Would I touch my sister this way? Would I touch my brother this way?

[Answered by Pastor Ho-Ming]