Q: Contrary to many people's desire to have a g/f or b/f, I'm very satisfied with my single life~I'm very content with the luxurious amount of time I have in developing my skills and focusing on building a career. Is it wrong that I don't want to date or marry?

A:  Being single AND being fine with being single is a very blessed thing.  The Apostle Paul was a single guy and it was a good thing.

"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." -1 Cor 7:1-2

"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." -1 Cor 7:7

It is clear that Paul thought that singleness was A GIFT.  A good thing.  We need to assure people today that being single is not a bad thing or peer pressure others to get into relationships.  But it is important to understand the key part of this passage:  a spiritual gift from God is not to be used selfishly but used to glorify God!  Everything Paul stood for would ultimately be testifying to the glory and knowledge of God and the good news of Jesus.  This should be no different today!

I think it is a great thing that you are satisfied in singleness, and treat it as a gift from God, but this gift should not be used to serve ourselves.  We are blessed to be a blessing to others, just as Abraham was in Genesis.  We need to use our lives to further God's kingdom, make Jesus known and glorify Him.  This can possibly be done in developing our skills and developing our career, but we can't forget what comes first!  When we are blessed with skills and good careers, it should be to glorify God and not ourselves.  We need to have ambition in life, but the ambition starts with God and to further HIS kingdom, not to further out personal kingdoms.

Lastly, if you do someday start burning with desire for a wife/husband, Paul also affirms this desire:

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." -1 Cor 7:9

We need to affirm both singleness and marriage because the bible calls us to, but ultimately, it's important to remember that both are a gift from God and both are given to:

1)  Glorify God and further His Kingdom

2)  Bless the individual

3)  Bless those around us

[answered by Pastor Shu-Ling]

Q: Christians are called to "not be yoked with non-believers". However, what if a couple is already married before one of them becomes a Christian?

A:  Being married to an unbeliever can be one of the most difficult challenges in a Christian's life. Marriage is a sacred covenant that joins two people together in one flesh (Matthew 19:5). It can be very difficult for a believer and an unbeliever to live in peaceful harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). If one partner becomes a Christian after the marriage, the inherent struggles of living under two different authorities quickly become apparent.

Often Christians in this situation will look for a way out of the marriage, convinced that this is the only way to truly bring honor to God. God’s Word, however, says the contrary. It is very important not only to be content in our situation, but also to look for ways to bring glory to Him out of our challenging circumstances (1 Corinthians 7:17). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband…”

Christians married to unbelievers will need to pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to enable them to profess Christ and live in the light of God's presence (1 John 1:7). They should seek God's transforming power to change their hearts and produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A Christian wife is obligated to have a submissive heart, even toward her unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1), and she will need to remain close to God and rely on His grace to enable her to do so.

Christians are not meant to live solitary lives; they need to find support from outside sources such as the Church community and Fellowship groups. Being married to an unbeliever does not alter the sacredness of the relationship, so it should be the priority of every Christian to pray for his or her spouse and set a good example, allowing Christ's light to shine brightly (Philippians 2:14). May the truth found in 1 Peter 3:1—that an unbelieving spouse is “won over”—be the hope and goal of every Christian who is married to an unbeliever.

The link below provides a commentary on the 2 Corinthians passage and the issue of “Unequal Yoking with Unbelievers”:
http://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/2Cor/Unequal-Yoking-Unbelievers


[answered by Pastoral Intern Ray Lee]

V-Day Podcast is LIVE.

Our live Ask Us Session on dating, sex and relationships ("V-Day") took place Friday Night, February 19, 2010. Over 50 questions were asked (40 of them were live text-in questions!). We tried to answer as many as possible, but in the end, we had about 10 unanswered (We'll answer them soon via another live session or via this blog).

You can listen to the podcast by clicking on the following links:

(1) PART ONE (1 hour, 18 min.) and (2) PART TWO (33 min.).

Among the questions asked were the following...

You say that there is marriage when you find the other half God has given to you. If that’s the case then why is there divorce?

Some couples say I love you right away but some aren’t ready to say it after a year. How do you know when the right time to say it?

How far is too far when it comes to physical intimacy? I mean, as long as you don’t have premarital sex it’s okay, right?

If your potential soulmate, like you really believe you’re going to spend your life with this person, asks you to choose between God and him or her, how should you respond?

I’m in a relationship but we don’t talk, what do I do *sad face*

What if your parents beat you if they find out that you’re dating someone? What if they go and yell at who we’re dating? (personal experience)

How do you get over a hard and painful breakup?

If you’re dating is it ok to prioritize and neglect your gf/bf over your other friends in life?

What would you say is the hardest thing about marriage?

I have a Christian friend who’s dating a guy 4 years older than her and they’ve already gone FAAR. I’m scared for her so how should I respond?

Is infatuation a sin?

What if you like a Christian best friend?

How do I get a non-christian friend out of an unhealthy relationship?

What if you have more than one girlfriend of boyfriend?

My friend’s really mean to me…it makes me really sad L what should I do?

What do we do if we’re no longer a virgin?

My ex keeps following me and bugging me, what do I do?

Is it wrong to date my friend’s ex?

If a non-christian friend has told you that they have had sex, how should you respond?

Is dating for fun ok? Must all relationships be serious or the first step towards marriage?

How do you deal with someone who likes you but is the same sex as you?

Is it alright for a guy to date a girl who is 2 years older than him?

What should I do if I like one of my friend’s sibling?

I got my girlfriend pregnant…As a Christian what should I do?

I met this guy who I thought was pretty cool, but he won’t leave me alone. He sends me creepy messages on Facebook. How do I deal with him in a nice Christianly manner. This person is a true stalker, like seriously.

Thanks to everyone who came, and especially the brave counselors on the panel! As this was a resounding success, we'll try to do another in the near future!

Q: Why did God allow polygamy in the Bible (e.g. Jacob with Rachel and Leah or Solomon or David)?

This is a good example of "descriptive" versus "prescriptive" parts of Scripture. What does this mean?

Descriptive tells it like it is.
Prescriptive tells it like ought to have been, should be, and must remain.

Polygamy in the Old Testament was a description of how people lived their lives; it was not "prescriptive" - meaning God did not command it. Nowhere in the Bible did God ever tell anyone to marry more than one wife. Rather, God temporarily allowed it to happen.

In actual fact, whenever you read about polygamy in the Bible, it always leads to trouble or even disaster. Several examples are found in the following passages:

- Sarai and Hagar (Genesis 16)

- Leah and Rachel (Genesis 29-31)

- Hannah and Peninnah (1 Sam. 1)

- Solomon and his many women (1 Kings 11)

Polygamy is actually condemned once in Deut. 17:17:

And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away,

nor shall he acquire for himself

excessive silver and gold.

It is also condemned several times in the New Testament (1 Timothy 3:2 & Titus 1:6) because it degrades the value of women (see 1 Peter 3:7) and goes against God's design for marriage (Genesis 2:24). Marriage, after all, is a picture of the relationship between Christ and his Church (Eph. 5:32) where the husband represents the former and his wife (singular) the latter.

[Answered by Pastor HM]