Q: Contrary to many people's desire to have a g/f or b/f, I'm very satisfied with my single life~I'm very content with the luxurious amount of time I have in developing my skills and focusing on building a career. Is it wrong that I don't want to date or marry?

A:  Being single AND being fine with being single is a very blessed thing.  The Apostle Paul was a single guy and it was a good thing.

"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband." -1 Cor 7:1-2

"I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." -1 Cor 7:7

It is clear that Paul thought that singleness was A GIFT.  A good thing.  We need to assure people today that being single is not a bad thing or peer pressure others to get into relationships.  But it is important to understand the key part of this passage:  a spiritual gift from God is not to be used selfishly but used to glorify God!  Everything Paul stood for would ultimately be testifying to the glory and knowledge of God and the good news of Jesus.  This should be no different today!

I think it is a great thing that you are satisfied in singleness, and treat it as a gift from God, but this gift should not be used to serve ourselves.  We are blessed to be a blessing to others, just as Abraham was in Genesis.  We need to use our lives to further God's kingdom, make Jesus known and glorify Him.  This can possibly be done in developing our skills and developing our career, but we can't forget what comes first!  When we are blessed with skills and good careers, it should be to glorify God and not ourselves.  We need to have ambition in life, but the ambition starts with God and to further HIS kingdom, not to further out personal kingdoms.

Lastly, if you do someday start burning with desire for a wife/husband, Paul also affirms this desire:

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." -1 Cor 7:9

We need to affirm both singleness and marriage because the bible calls us to, but ultimately, it's important to remember that both are a gift from God and both are given to:

1)  Glorify God and further His Kingdom

2)  Bless the individual

3)  Bless those around us

[answered by Pastor Shu-Ling]

Q: We all know that having sex with out bf/gf is a sin, but if we simply fall asleep on the same bed with them, is it also considered a sin?

Great Question! Let me answer this with three points:

1. SEX Before Marriage Is Sin.

The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, and according to 1 Corinthians 7:2 sex before marriage is sexually immoral, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way. Sex before marriage is included in the biblical definition of sexual immorality. There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.

2. What Is An Appropriate Level Of Intimacy Before Marriage?

Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people.” Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple or those dating should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex that gives the appearance of immorality. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in that marriage becomes.

3. What About Falling Asleep On The Same Bed?"

Spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship.

Jesus was more concerned with the heart than with specific rules. That means that the real question is “What is your motivation?” Is your motivation to get away with as much as you can without actually sleeping together? Is your motivation to guard the purity of your brother and sister in Christ to the utmost so that you can stand blameless before God? Is your motivation to guard your relationships against the temptation to stumble in a moment of weakness? The way in which you answer these questions will have a direct impact on your actions.

The following questions will help you diagnose the wisdom of your Christian behavior. So consider these as you navigate the physical side of dating:

1. Should I do this? What does the Bible say? (For instance, are you engaging in anything sexually immoral, prohibited or tempting yourself towards possibly sinning?)

2. What does my conscience tell me? (You may not be doing something explicitly condemned as wrong, but is it wise? Is it beneficial? What if family or non-Christian friends see, or hear or walk in on us?)

3. What does my weakness require? (What is my greatest temptation? If I have struggled with sexual immorality in the past, how can I guard against it now?)

4. What does my brother or sister in Christ need? (Sister, are you tempting your brother to stumble by the way you are dressed when he comes over to your place at night? Brother, are you taking advantage of a woman’s need for affection in order to push the boundaries of a physical relationship?)

In your dating relationship, learning to say “NO!” may be the best positive answer that you can give to be faithful as a follower of Christ as you guard your hearts!

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q: "Dealing"?

Recently, I got introduced to a few high school terms, and one of them was “dealing” (in terms of relationships and hooking up like when two people act like their dating, but in reality are not). My Christian friend has been dealing here and there, but I feel as if it’s not right in the eyes of the Lord. Is there a biblical stance on this I can show them to help them resolve their problem?

Great Question! Based on what you’ve mentioned, it sounds like your friends are not being truthful to one another and to their friends. The Bible nowhere presents an instance where lying is considered to be the right thing to do. The ninth commandment prohibits bearing false witness (Exodus 20:16). Proverbs 6:16-19 lists “a lying tongue” and “a false witness who pours out lies” as two of the seven abominations to the Lord. Love “rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). For other Scriptures that speak negatively of lying, see Psalm 119:29, 163; 120:2; Proverbs 12:22; 13:5; Ephesians 4:25; Colossians 3:9; and Revelation 21:8. There are many examples of liars in Scripture, from Jacob’s deceit in Genesis 27 to the pretense of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. Time after time, we see that falsehood leads to misery, loss, and judgment. This demonstrates how we are to conduct ourselves as children of God.

Christian ethics and how to make decisions in life is well summarized by Colossians 3:1-6, 9-10:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming… Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”



Remember that it is not appropriate to be involved in multiple Christian dating relationships because the whole process inevitably will involve more lies and deceit to cover up past deeds. There will be hurt, humiliation, embarrassment, and heartbreak when the eventual break-up takes place. We are commanded as followers of Christ to love one another as Christians [1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7; Luke 6:31], love our neighbor as ourselves [Mark 12:31] and not to bring pain to one another [Romans 13:10]. James 5:12 tells us that, “Above all, my brothers, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned.”

Dating is not a game and neither are people's hearts and feelings. Let’s learn to honor, respect and value one other [1 Corinthians 13:4-8]. Let's learn to be Godly, truthful and moral in the way we relate to the opposite sex. Let's always remember to stick to our Christian fundamental beliefs and values especially when it comes to dating and how we live our lives!

If your friends would like to learn more about dating and courtship, the following link may be of interest to them: What does the Bible say about dating / courting? http://www.gotquestions.org/dating-courting.html

HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL! THANKS FOR ASKING!


[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]

Q: What should we do if our Christian friend confesses they are no longer a virgin?

How can we continue to support them if we know it is wrong; or what should we tell them to do now (they feel fake coming to church)?


It’s great that your friend trusts you enough to be able to share such an intimate part of their life with you. When we talk about someone being a virgin, we are talking about someone who has who has never experienced sexual intercourse. Let me try to answer your question in three parts.

1. What are Sexual Sins?

As you mention, sex before marriage, sexual immorality but also adultery are considered sexual sins. According to 1 Corinthians 7:2: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people are not able to control themselves many are having immoral sex both outside of marriage and before marriage - that people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way as husband and wife.



Since 1 Corinthians 7:2 clearly includes sex before marriage as part of the definition of sexual immorality, all of the Bible verses that condemn sexual immorality as being sinful also condemn sex before marriage as sinful. There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible teaches that we remain sexually pure and abstain from sex before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).



Far too often we focus on the “recreational” aspect of sex without recognizing that there is another aspect—procreation. Sex within marriage is pleasurable, and God designed it that way. God wants men and women to enjoy sexual activity within the confines of marriage only. Song of Solomon and several other Bible passages (such as Proverbs 5:19) clearly describe the pleasure of sex. However each couple as believers must understand that God’s intent for sex includes producing children. Thus, for a couple to engage in sex before marriage is doubly wrong—they are enjoying pleasures not intended for them, and they are taking a chance of creating a human life outside of the family structure God intended for every child.



Please remember that if the Bible's message on sex before marriage were obeyed, there would be far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, far fewer abortions, far fewer unwed mothers and unwanted pregnancies, and far fewer children growing up without both parents in their lives. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.

A book that I’ve recommend to others on this topic and one that I’ve found very helpful is called, “The DIRT on SEX” by Justin Lookadoo. You can get it at your local bookstore or Chapters at a reasonable price. As well, feel free to come and see me if you like and I’ll lend you my copy!

2. What Is True Friendship According To The Bible?


Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end up on the Internet the next day! Failing to be trustworthy with those intimate secrets can destroy a friendship in a hurry. Faithfulness and loyalty are key to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away. 

True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine friendship supports during times of struggle. Friends are dependable. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and we always want the best for our friends.

The Lord Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend: "Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:13-15). Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for His "friends." What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him.


3. How Can I Help And Support My Friend?


The Bible presents several different resources to help all of us overcome sin and to support others who are caught in its grip. In this lifetime, we need to continuously seek to be victorious over sin (1 John 1:8). With God’s help, the power of the Holy Spirit and His Word, we can progressively overcome sin and become more and more like Christ. 

Many Christians find that Christian fellowship like having an accountability partner … like you can be a huge benefit in overcoming stubborn sins. Having another person who can talk with you, pray with you, encourage you, and even challenge you is of great value. Temptation is common to us all (1 Corinthians 10:13). Having an accountability partner or an accountability group can give us the final dose of encouragement and motivation we need to overcome even the most stubborn of sins. Is this what your friend is seeking to do?

Great question! Consider if you or your friend need to talk to a trusted adult friend, Pastor or Counselor about this issue as well.

[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]