Great Question! Let me answer this with three points:
1. SEX Before Marriage Is Sin.
The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality, and according to 1 Corinthians 7:2 sex before marriage is sexually immoral, “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” In this verse, Paul states that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality. First Corinthians 7:2 is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way. Sex before marriage is included in the biblical definition of sexual immorality. There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”. Abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to sex before marriage. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and, most importantly, honors God.
2. What Is An Appropriate Level Of Intimacy Before Marriage?
Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity...because these are improper for God's holy people.” Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple or those dating should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex that gives the appearance of immorality. The more a married couple has to share exclusively between themselves, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in that marriage becomes.
3. What About Falling Asleep On The Same Bed?"
Spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship.
Jesus was more concerned with the heart than with specific rules. That means that the real question is “What is your motivation?” Is your motivation to get away with as much as you can without actually sleeping together? Is your motivation to guard the purity of your brother and sister in Christ to the utmost so that you can stand blameless before God? Is your motivation to guard your relationships against the temptation to stumble in a moment of weakness? The way in which you answer these questions will have a direct impact on your actions.
The following questions will help you diagnose the wisdom of your Christian behavior. So consider these as you navigate the physical side of dating:
1. Should I do this? What does the Bible say? (For instance, are you engaging in anything sexually immoral, prohibited or tempting yourself towards possibly sinning?)
2. What does my conscience tell me? (You may not be doing something explicitly condemned as wrong, but is it wise? Is it beneficial? What if family or non-Christian friends see, or hear or walk in on us?)
3. What does my weakness require? (What is my greatest temptation? If I have struggled with sexual immorality in the past, how can I guard against it now?)
4. What does my brother or sister in Christ need? (Sister, are you tempting your brother to stumble by the way you are dressed when he comes over to your place at night? Brother, are you taking advantage of a woman’s need for affection in order to push the boundaries of a physical relationship?)
In your dating relationship, learning to say “NO!” may be the best positive answer that you can give to be faithful as a follower of Christ as you guard your hearts!
[Answered by Ray Lee, Summer Intern]
