"Pastor Mark Driscoll (in the video embedded below) says we shouldn't date until we can marry, then what should we do now if we have crushes?"
Great question on dating. I really like Pastor Mark's teaching, and I really appreciate his answer here. Since the Bible doesn't explicitly talk about dating, this answer is extrapolated from biblical teaching on marriage. Now, it seems you understand why he's saying what he's saying, but you're also wondering what to do if you have a crush.
As I have said before in my own sermons/workshops on dating, if you define a crush as an emotional attraction, that's okay. It's natural to be attracted to someone. However, if you define a crush as an overwhelming infatuation that leads you to emotionally and physically connect with that person (instead of saving these connections with your husband/wife), then I'd say refrain from that.
Scripture teaches us that the marriage relationship is meant to reflect the love between God and his people (Ephesians 5:25-33). God's love is pure, sacrificial and self-giving (see 1 John 4). And so our love must also be that way. We must, therefore, avoid infatuations and make sure we are truly loving someone.
How do you know its love or infatuation? Read Pastor Chip Ingram's 12 Tests of Love (I have found these very helpful): HERE.
Practically, here are some helpful reminders to avoid infatuations:
- Don't date while you're too young. Even if you have a crush on someone, refrain from dating this person. It's difficult, but chances are - the emotional attraction will fade with time if you wait and give it time.
When should we start dating? I think its okay to pursue a relationship with someone if you have marriage in mind; if you understand that that person you date doesn't "complete" you; and if you can be married within a reasonable amount of time (perhaps a few years). This may also mean to hold off on dating until you are more stable in life (e.g. you live in the same city and you have a steady job and goals). Additionally, this may mean that you have to know who you are and what you want in a spouse (i.e. physical and emotional attraction is not enough; there must be spiritual, mental & financial compatibility)
- Don't feed the flame, meaning if you really like someone, commit to being their friend, but not their girlfriend or boyfriend. You can always get to know someone better without committing to them too early. Don't spend time alone with this person because it's very hard to keep from "not crushing" on someone this way!
- Don't give into peer pressure. You may find many of your friends will start dating. This isn't something that you have to do. Wait, be patient and trust that God will provide a spouse for you in His perfect and beautiful timing. Use the time and freedom of this "single" season of your life to pursue and serve God faithfully. Also, spend the time getting to know who you are, so that you know what you are looking for in a spouse.
[Answered by Pastor HM, who is in love... with his wife]
