In today's sermon, you preached about the woman who committed adultery and how Jesus told the people to not judge her and to accept her because they weren't any better than her. I know the Bible says to forgive, but I really don't think I am capable of forgiving a person at this point.
She didn't/doesn't have any respect for me, so I really don't want to give any to her.
Would Jesus really accept someone like that; someone like that who doesn't change?
You said that acceptance means being "for" someone and that acceptance means that I identify with someone. I don't get how i can identify with OR be "for" a girl who's trying to get my boyfriend to cheat on me with her. I'm probably "holding a stone in my hand" but I really don't know what i can do...
Friend, I hear you. There are a lot of thoughts in my head, so let me go through some of them.
1. Acceptance is not the same thing as tolerance. Acceptance does not mean you take abuse or put up with immoral behavior. If your boyfriend is flirting with other girls, he will make you miserable and eventually make a lousy husband. So HE is the real issue. My simple advice is to break it off with him (!!!) if he's flirting back with girls. Don't make excuses for him or blame it primarily on the other girl. He is responsible for his own actions. Period.
2. If you a Christian, you must accept and forgive a person no matter what they have done (Luke 17:4). Being "for" another person is understanding that God is gracious and that He loves the person that you once hated. Identifying with another person means you recognize that you are a sinner just like that person; you are no better than them and so you have no right to judge. In your case, you must value this girl's worth as a human being that is loved by God. This doesn't mean you have to be their best friend; but that you cannot treat them in a condescending, judgmental manner. You must also identify with this girl as you are imperfect yourself and have hurt people much like how this girl has hurt you.
3. Forgiveness and trust are two different things. You MUST forgive a person, but you do not have to trust them. Forgiveness is given freely. Trust is earned over time. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, you do not need to trust him again until he proves otherwise. If this girl is lying to you or being insincere with her words, you do not need to trust her until she can prove otherwise. Being a Christian means you affirm a person's worth in God; not acting foolishly by trust people easily.
4. Practically, keep reminding yourself of the gospel. It's not easy to do this, but you must if you are to forgive. The gospel says that we are all bad, and if we are redeemed by Christ, that was God's grace and not our own work, so we don't have the right to judge someone who isn't acting the way we are - especially if they are non-Christian. We put down our stones because God put down the stone of judgment that was for us, and cast it down upon himself in Jesus. This is our motivation to forgive. So friend, remind yourself of this world-shattering truth each day!
5. If you want to forgive, continue to pray and ask for God's strength, wisdom and patience. If we rely on our own abilities to forgive, we will fail miserably. If we rely on God's, He will provide everything we need to do what is right. So take heart, friend. Consider the words of Heather Pham, wife of slain police-officer Vu Pham: "Forgiveness is the only way to release ourselves from pain & anger....with God's help, I'll offer it."
I don't who you are, but I will pray for you this week. Hope this helps.
[Answered by Pastor HM]
